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It is time...

Mooclan

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FOR MY POST COUNT TO REACH FOUR THOUSAND!!! :D *Party*

Alrightly, well, in honor of this I wrote y'all a story. No hate please, it's a very emotionally touchy subject. I will not hesitate to report any mean-ness on this thread.
I'm just gonna copy and paste it.


**Note**
I wrote this in Google Docs, and I wrote it over the span of a few hours, split into several days. I may change topics a lot.
This is NOT a story about just my time online, it’s about both online and real-life.
Parts of this may be slightly exaggerated, but most parts are not at all.
There will be NO TL;DR at the end. Read it or leave it.

Hello, and welcome to my story.

This is the story of the person behind the screen - why I spend so much time within the virtual world, why I type what I type, what shaped me into the person that I really am.
And also, the real me. Not the Mooclan that you may know, but the Alex that is behind the screen, sitting at the keyboard.
At the bottom of the thread will be a sort of “About Me” section, with some generic things like favorite color, height, etc. as well as details on a Q&A in case you want to ask me anything.

“Listen here, because it's who we are
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
Just a boy, who had to sing this song”
- My Chemical Romance, Welcome to the Black Parade.

First of all, my reason for writing this. (+ My 4k post count)

I’ve been judged too many times for me to count. Whenever I step into a room, the only looks I get are looks of, “Who’s that guy? He looks… ew.” Or something along those lines. I’m judged by my appearance, and by my outer attitude. I’m always thinking about conversations, interpreting double meanings, thinking of what to say. But by the time I finally think of something suitable, the conversation topic has changed, and my thoughts are no longer relevant. In the real world, I’m never given a chance to prove myself. The few times that I am, I’m always immediately shut down in the face, because I do it at a bad time, or in front of someone in a bad mood. It never works out. And don’t tell me to, “Keep trying,” because believe me, I have.

The real world… isn’t like the online world. The online realm is harsh at times, yes, but at other times, I have found it to be a lot more peaceful, a lot nicer. No eyes burning into the back of my head, nothing that I can’t do because of emotions. I can say anything, do anything. In my real life, I’m extremely reserved. I don’t talk… at all. Like, a few words a day, except for at home, and then it’s just because I’m on TeamSpeak or Skype. I don’t even know what my own voice sounds like, so when people started saying I sounded a lot older than I am, I was very surprised. Recordings that I’ve done never fail to amuse me.

The online world is my escape from everything. You’ll find out what, as you read.

Alexander, also known as Mooclan, is a boy of 15 years currently. That’s me.
I was introduced to online gaming several years ago, when I was living in Canada, by my best friend Sean, who also inspired my love of cows and my name, Mooclan. The name actually came from my desire to find him again after moving, and me foolishly thinking that he would recognize me by the name Mooclan. But it has stuck, and become my alternate identity. It has become me.

This may sound selfish, foolish, or self-centered, but I aspire to greatness. I want to become the best, I want to become well-known. It didn't start that way, but after I started gaining some recognition on the forums, it was addicting. I thought to myself, “Wait… maybe I can do it. Maybe if I project my name out there enough, I can find Sean.” I know it’s stupid of me to think that… but there’s always a small chance. I want to find him. Once I do that, the meaning behind my name will become useless, and I can finally live knowing that years of my life were not in vain.

I was introduced first to Minecraft by my mother. She found out about the game, and was told that it was “educational,” and tried to get me into playing it. I was open to it, but when we realized it cost money, we decided not to, since we didn't know if I would enjoy it, and my parents were never a big fan of buying video games. But when my best friend at the time, Steven, introduced me to it again, I was able to see it for myself. He had a lot of fun when playing it. I decided to give it a shot, and looked around for some free ways to play it. It was, well, fun. After a long time of playing Singleplayer, I bought a Premium account during a trip to Disney World, and all I could think of during that vacation was, “I want to go home and playing Multiplayer.” So I did.

But I digress. This isn't the story of my Minecraft adventures, it’s about the background behind me.

I feel that the largest event in all of my time gaming was when my father left. It was December 21, 2012. The day the world was scheduled to end, according to the Mayan calendar. There may not have been global disasters, but there certainly was one at home. It was around this time that I joined my first clan, the EliteSquad, and was promoted to Member and then Co-Leader the second day, which was practically unheard of, seeing as it was the 3rd best clan in the US region at the time, and I didn’t even have enough Wins to be a full member. But, that night, my sister left for California, to attend a winter Church camp. There was some complex details about that which I won’t discuss, but long story short, my dad called the police, and demanded that she return home, which wasn’t going to happen, seeing as he originally authorized the trip. The next morning, at 2 AM, he woke me up, forcing me to sit at my computer and play Minecraft. I had told my best friend that I secretly woke up at 4 AM regularly to play MCSG with two of my friends, one of them being Krafty. He told his father, who then told my father, who happens to be a clinically bipolar person. I can only assume that my father was having another relapse. I refused his unreasonable demands, and went back to bed after a few shouting matches. The next day, he flew off to Asia for business. That was the last time I ever saw him in person. Early next month, he was arrested in Hong Kong for forgery of bank documents. In case anyone is wondering, no one else in my family was aware of this, but we are assuming that it was true. He exploited legal options to delay the conclusion of his trial for over a year, and it was only this year that a verdict was passed, and he was found guilty. However, he got out temporarily on bail, and now is hiding from the law. No one knows where, and we don’t really want to see him for quite a while.

Another large event that had an effect on me was depression. During the winter and early spring of 2013, I was undergoing severe depression. The EliteSquad, which I had become leader of, was about to disband, and I was become a lot quieter in class, which was saying a lot because I was already the quietest. I have always been a very emotionally sensitive person, and still am, which is probably the result of being around 3 girls for most of my life, two sisters and my mom, whereas my dad has been gone for more than half of every year on “business” trips.

I took out my emotions by toying with those of other people. I pranked people, I pretended to get someone’s hopes up, and then crush them. Some people said that I became emo, as I had an extremely high pain tolerance, and would challenge people to hurt me and try and get a reaction. No one ever beat me. I also hurt people in real life, getting into fights at school. I built a reputation as a surprisingly good brawler, but I made sure to keep my one friend out of it.

Also.. I attempted suicide four times. I tried hanging myself, overdosing on my mom’s pills. Nope, nada. (Oh, in case anyone gets worried about me, I’m completely fine now. No need to call the depression hotline or anything :p)

And then, at the end of grade 8, I lost my one and only friend in real life.

Crushed, I fell into the online world. I wanted to lose myself in gaming once again. I tried, oh how I tried. But my mom had other plans. I was scheduled to attend a summer church camp for two weeks, and I would be visiting Pittsburgh for another week after that. I faded, taking a break from MCSG. But I couldn’t let go. So I rediscovered the forums. Not just clans and teams, but also the other sections. The community. And I realized that a few of my old friends were already outstanding and well-known forumers, and I dreamed and hoped that one day I would be among them. The summer camp came and passed, and I made some new friends who also played Minecraft. I have not seen them since in person, but I’ve spoken to them several times on Skype, and have even done a few MCSG videos with them, when they tried to make a YouTube channel.

After I returned from that trip, I threw myself into foruming. I skipped meals, I marathoned my keyboard. My typing accuracy, speed, and overall proficiency increased massively. I learned new grammatical intricacies, and worked to improve myself.

It was around December of 2013 that I realized I was getting closer to accomplishing my goal. To become someone that people recognized. I told myself I was a step closer to finding Sean, but I think that deep in my mind, I knew that what I was doing wasn’t for Sean. It was selfishness. Instead, I turned my ambitions towards MCSG. How can I help, how can I contribute? I had for a long time wanted to become a Moderator, but I was unable to, and still am unable to, apply, because of a previous ban from early V2.

Geez, I keep moving back to my MCSG life.

Well, at the end of grade 8 (2012-2013) I moved. This year, 9th grade, I was homeschooled, giving me plenty of time to cooperate with the emotional train ride that is my father’s disappearance and even more time to play video games and browse the forums. I have no real-life friends left, and I don’t play any sports. I don’t talk to anyone outside of church and my family. My only friends left are those that I have met over the internet.. and even then, most of them have left me.

I kept writing. I discovered League of Legends after my older sister was introduced to it. I wanted to play a video game that she did too, in order to try and bond or something. It didn’t exactly work - she hardly ever lets me join games with her. But thankfully, I’ve made friends who also play League, and I really enjoy playing it.

My forum experience got me invited to a Capture The Wool server network, where I met some really great friends, although we don’t really play Capture The Wool :p

I may as well just skip to present day.

So, as many of you may know, there was recently the 3rd MCGamer Awards. I was fortunate enough to make it into the final 5 for both Best Forumer and Most Helpful Poster, and I placed second and third, respectively. Knowing that I finally have achieved a level of recognition within MCSG makes me really happy. I suppose you could say… it fulfills my craving for attention.

As a child, I was always ignored. I was always the one kid with no friends, who never got picked as a partner, and I was too shy to ask someone to be my partner. Even in middle school, my best friend picked other people to partner with over me, and every time it felt like a little piece of me was crying. When I came onto MCSG, I wanted to make a splash. I wanted.. to feel wanted. To finally know what it is like to get some attention. And I’ve done it. I hoped, and my hope was fulfilled. I thought, and my thoughts became a reality. I dreamed, and I’m living my dream.

The End

Please don’t criticize me for being “selfish” or something for wanting to be well-known in MCSG. As you may deduce by reading my story, I have very good reasons for wanting to have some attention, after the childhood that I lived through.

Some facts about Mooclan:
I’m 15 years old right now, born January 23, 1999.
I’m around 5’8”, maybe 5’9”, but only weigh 100 pounds. (45.3592 kilograms) I have a BMI of 14.8, which is extremely underweight.
I read a lot of romance books. Don’t laugh :p
My mom was born in Canada but her parents are from China, and my dad was born in Bangladesh, so I look sort of Hawaiian apparently.
I was born in the southernmost city in the continental USA (It’s an island.)
I have two keyboards from 2008, but I broke one of the spacebars, so I have to use the other one, which is worse ;c
On the first keyboard, I achieved a WPM of 364. I broke my space bar on my next attempt to beat that. Now, my WPM is closer to 150 on a good day.
I have a Razer Naga 2014, which I recently purchased. When I still played MCSG, I had a Microsoft Black Peal Optical Mouse 1000 thingy or something like that. It’s old, really old.
I have four computers. A laptop, a desktop, and two identical touch screen HP All-In-One’s. The laptop and desktop are old and don’t work super well (I use the laptop) and the desktop needs a monitor which I don’t have the cable for, and one of the touchscreen computers’ screen doesn’t work, leaving me with only two computers that I can use properly. All of them are Windows.
The name Mooclan comes from a promise that Sean doesn’t even know about. I never managed to tell him, and one of the reasons I want to find him is so that I can tell him. I also promised him that I would make cows my favorite animal, and he doesn’t know about that either.
The name Mooclan is technically supposed to be Moo Clan, but I don’t like it when it’s spelled that way, as it’s less personal.
My favorite color is light blue, like most of my avatars.
You can see a kiddy version of me here:
I was the dark-skinned male lead in the red shirt. My parents own Rainbowbrush and forced me to act.
I placed in two categories in the 3rd MCGamer Awards.


And before I end this thread, I leave you with a question.

Why do people desire fame?
 
Last edited:

Deformed

Experienced
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People desire fame because they don't know of the negativities that stem off of it. Everyone thinks that being rich and popular is awesome, but they seem to forget that makes you more susceptible to stalkers, fake friends, lack of privacy, etc.

Also, congratulations on 4,000 posts.
 

Ceroria

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This was an incredible story!

Because of the 3rd MCSG award thingy and the forum related topics, I am now inspired to become famous too. It's not selfish, everyone wants to be famous, but only the driven can really get there. Ever since I discovered the true part of the MCSG community in early v2 I've wanted to become famous or well known and your story shows me that it really is possible. Incredibly touching story man c:

I'm glad you got better, overcame depression and all, things like that are just truly incredible.

I sort of feel you as well. My mom one day, when I was 5, spontaneously divorced my dad and flew all the way across the US (California to Pennsylvania) and until my dad moved out here three/four years later I only saw him on summers and holidays when I would fly out to him.

Hope everything turns out ok for you! :3
 

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