I think everything has its time. Sometimes, we depend on others, but others depend on us; just the pressure of knowing that others depends on us can affect us. You, and other staff members know thousands of players depend on them, and sometimes, I think, gives pressure.
Aside from the job the staff team has, they also have feelings. All these feelings I think are the ones that motivate someone to continue, but at the same time we just don't want to disappoint others.
I also think that, if you shall leave something, leave it for good. Sometimes, we remind of the good things that bring back, but we should let go. Its pretty much an addiction, but if you really want a change, you will change.
Just saying these words because, I don't think its bad you've applied and resigned multiple times, I just think you should let go, finally.