For the past few weeks I've been insanely inactive among the mods and servers in general. As much as I love this game and the people I work with, my life is in a place where I can't devote enough time to the servers to really make any sort of difference. As much as I've tried to put aside time to help with MCSG, I find myself trying to juggle honors homework from an 8 period school day, clubs, and the massive strain that getting up at 5:30 for high school is. This is the main reason I'm leaving the staff, but not the only one.
From the day I talked with @
Col_StaR and the other interview staff and took up my position as mod, I never changed my attitude. I wanted to have fun with the players I know. I ended up never using TeamSpeak (Despite sitting around with the [Poke if needed] Tag). This led to me not knowing any of the other mods, outside of those who I talked to on the forums regularly. I was at a bit of a social disadvantage not being part of something like Team Elite. While many other new mods had previous connections to mods, I knew almost nobody. This led to me perceiving my job with less joy, and a bit more reluctance. As much as I loved helping, there was a definite regret and boredom doing my job. I felt more alone than a part of a whole.
This kind of led to me falling out of the loop with MCSG. I didn't really want to force my non-mod friends the burden of teaming with me, and again, I didn't have many people to talk to on the mod spectrum. I started playing less and less, and did almost all of my work through the forums. I did well, talked to people, helped them, posted meaningful messages and helped people along their way. It was great, until the forum started falling out of the circuit. Less and less people relied on them, more and more posts became meaningless to the point where I couldn't justify my being a mod by doing 80% forum work. I went from visiting the forums once every hour (sometimes more) to visiting it once a day.
I found myself feared or hated by players in-game, a burden to my friends, and an outcast among mods. I felt worthless, and MCSG had become an awful stress to bear. I felt that any day I'd get that message warning me about my inactivity. And I felt that I deserved it. For weeks I was on and off the fence, from "Time to get back into being a helpful mod" to "I should resign." It was just messy.
I guess I reached a final breaking point over the past few days. I'd been losing sleep, and realized that my attempts to reattach to the servers as a moderator were futile. I might as well enjoy my time here. If I'm welcome, maybe in 3 or 4 months time when I have school under control, and am back in the swing of being an active member of this community I may reapply. Suffice it to say that if I do I'm going to do
everything differently.
So for those of you wondering, no this is not a goodbye. This is actually quite the opposite. I hope this will reinvigorate me to take part in the groups of friends I have, maybe join a building team. Without my inactivity hanging over my head I think I can enjoy MCSG as much as I did almost a year and a half ago.
Thank you to all of the staff that supported me, same goes to my friends <4
Thanks for reading.
You were still a great mod though <4
