I find it funny that basically none of the things listed could realistically be done in a day.
So if this really did happen, Chad would come back from vacation (or whatever happened to him), find everyone blowing up at him for all the ridiculous things he supposedly did, and he'd drop to his knees and cry to the heavens, "WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?"
It'd be like The Hangover. Except instead of four funny guys finding their friend in Las Vegas, it'd be Chad pressing Control-Z on his computer a lot. Starring Me!