Tell Me A Story

[SirCumstances]

If you tell me a story, I will tell you a story. In advance thanks, here is that story I was going to tell you.

Arf! Arf! My seal friend was barking at his shiny, wet butt. I told him to shut up, so he slapped me with his f(l)apper. We were in the middle of this place that probably doesn't exist, with broken ice and crap. Since we were bored, we decided to go swimming. My seal friend is annoying and started showing off, while I sat on one of the ice blocks because the water is some scary crap. Later, when the idiot was done, we went to shore, but, of course, he screwed up.

Somehow, he got his stuck in a damn tar pit. Where we were gonna die. Because he's a moron. I wish my seal friend was smarter. Anyway, we were waiting to die when two snot faces pulled up in a Jeep. They were sort of nice, and they pulled us out of the tar. Turns out they were poachers, so using our f(l)appers, we killed the poachers. Their Jeep looked really nice, too, so we took it. Apparently, it was a magical Jeep because it was traveling at the speed of sound. Soon enough, we were in San Francisco, and I lost control and skidded off a dock. It fell into this crystal clear water, still running, and crashed into a huge rock. For some reason, maybe because it was underwater, it didn't explode. I was drowning, and my seal friend was farting in my face.

Then I woke up from my dream to a Sunday morning.



^^^ True story, in case you cared. Now, tell me some stories, I'm bored.

 

[Zacharoutio]

Once upon a time, Zach died in Survival Games to hackers.
The End.

 

[Chiller4]

Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

 

[Mamiamato24]

Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

Best story of all time c:
Patrick Star is so wise.

 

[Chiller4]

Best story of all time c:
Patrick Star is so wise.

Definitely.......

 

[Mamiamato24]

Definitely.......

He obviously purposely nailed a plank of wood into his head.

 

[le quack]

Once a upon a time. The End

 

[R3vVolution]

(My mother and I are entering a parking lot with the intent to go shopping when a large blue truck turns down the wrong lane and cuts us off. Trying to be courteous, my mom hurries to park in the nearest lot to allow him through. He sits there instead.)

Driver: “F****** b**** driver.”

Mom: “Excuse me?”

Driver: “Yeah, I’m talking to you. You f****** b****es need to learn how to drive. You were going way too f****** fast down that lane and you almost hit me!”

Mom: “I most certainly did not! You cut me off.”

Driver: “The f*** I did, you b****! You cut ME off! I ought to slam the s*** out of your car, you f***.”

Me: *getting angry* “Hey, inbred, I dare you.”

Driver: *noticing me* “F*** you, you ugly w****!

(He jerks his wheel toward us like he’s about to ram us and I stand my ground.)

Me: “What was that about running our car over?”

Driver: “Yeah, you keep talking, w****. I’m about to get out and f*** you up!”

Me: “Try it.”

(He hasn’t noticed this whole time that he’s in a parking lot full of witnesses and that one of these witnesses has gone in to get the police officer who acts as lot security. He’s outside listening, silently moving up along the truck waiting for the guy to do something.)

Driver: “B****! Keep talking, you fat f*** skank b****. Need to f****** learn the right of way.”

Me: “Buddy, from what I see, you’re just running your lip and making a moron out of yourself. Instead of turning into a larger humiliation, maybe you should drive on and shut up.”

Driver: “F*** YOU!”

(The driver again jerks his wheel and almost slams into the car parked near us.)

Driver: “I’m going to f*** your face up, you c***!”

(He climbs out of his truck and BAM! He’s instantly against the side of his truck with his arms behind his back, because the officer grabs hold of him once he’s stepped down.)

Cop: “That’s assault, attempted assault, we’ll slap in attempted vehicular manslaughter if you open your mouth again, and on top of that driving while intoxicated. Thank you, ladies. Have a nice day!”

This didn't actually happen to me.

 

[Rebound4]

(Me and my friends are out on a Saturday at Pizza Hut eating chips(because eating pizza at Pizza Hut is like unoriginal :3 ))

Me: *nomming*
My friend Josh: *Choking*
My other friend (yes I have more than one friend : p): *smashes on back*
Josh: Thanks *coughs* (Picks up chip) this time I'm going to swallow and not choke it down
Chloe: ...Been there before
Me: WAIT WAT *starts crying with laughter*

Actually happened xD Zach started laughing and Josh went bright red (he looked like a tomato omg xD) It's even funnier because Chloe goes out with loads of people and they make slut jokes and she always gets so annoyed and she just came out with that xD I just sat there crying with tears xD Then after 5 minutes we where asked to leave for:

'disturbing other customers' what kind of rule is that...a pretty decent one actually xD

Then I nearly got hit by a car whilst walking/crying/laughing across the road xD

We have weird senses of humour...

 

[Fireized]

One day people stopped making threads that require EFFFORT to reply to


Jk

 

[Redwash11]

In the land of Arendelle, Uncle Olaf and the Trolls kept making songs about Fixer Uppers and other stuff you skip in the movie.
Teh End!

 

[Sean]

For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn. - Shortest story in the world.