Equalitee
Platinum
- Joined
- May 21, 2014
- Messages
- 1,328
- Reaction score
- 1,386
Hello everyone!
As some of you may know already, on July 31, 2015, I resigned as a Member of Staff here on the MCGamer Network. (For those who have not yet seen or read my Resignation Letter, but wish to do so, please visit this link.) As of today, August 3, 2015, however, I have made the decision to resume my Moderator position.
Now some of you may be asking, why does he seem confused? What has changed? What does he have planned from here on out? Well I am about to explain everything within the contents of his thread.
For as young as I can remember, I have always been one to love, care, help and support the people I love. Whether it was loving, caring and helping my grandmother with the chores around the house through her last breaths in life, cooking a meal for when the family returns from their daily life or as of more recently, becoming a Member of Staff on the MCGamer Network to make a positive influence, to make a change. The point is, it is something I enjoy. It feeds my soul and is used as a natural antidepressant for myself.
Back in May of 2013, I joined the MCGamer Network through the discovery of one of Joey Graceffa's videos. At that time, however, I was struggling with year six of seven years of depression. This depression was something I had never experienced before, and out of fear of the unknown road up ahead, I took it all out on my friends, family and even several members within the MCGamer Network.
All throughout the following year, I had finally discovered my comfort zone that was full of joy and excitement. It contained all of the friendships that I was able to establish through my time here at the MCGamer Network. These online friendships then lead to something more realistic as we decided to meet each other in real life. Following this tremendous experience, I had finally realized that I was unfair to so many people and for the most part, without a valid reason. So in attempt to have them forgive me of all of my wrongs, I needed to stand out, so I decided to catfish myself into the MCGamer Staff Team.
During my first run as a Member of Staff, back in the summer of 2014, I had very few goals. I wanted to prove to the people I had wronged in the past that change in so little time is something that was possible. I wanted to prove that I was in fact a good person that was just going through one of the darkest moments in his life. I wanted to be able to help the members of the MCGamer Network as a token of gratitude for the friends that have helped me find myself up until this moment in life. Well guess what? I felt that I did just that and that it was time to reveal my true identity, back in September of 2014, through the means of a resignation/demotion.
During the following five months, I went through another depression. I lost one of the most important friendships I had ever had in my life as I struggled to support myself and my decisions of becoming a Member of Staff. During my run as a Member of Staff, never once did I abuse my rank. I played everything by the books. I performed my moderation duties the way they expected me to. I never once gave them a reason to be suspicious of who I was or of my moderation duties. Although I did nothing wrong as a Member of Staff, however, I felt as if they were punishing me for doing something good, setting aside my past. Ultimately, I lost track of who I was and I was selfish. As I battled through this depression, however, I was able to grow, refocus myself and understand why I did what I did to begin with. To right my wrongs. To be a role model. To give back to the MCGamer Network, the Network that had given me a reason to live.
During my fifth and final month of depression, the month of February, through my new findings as a person, I was then re-inspired to re-apply for the Moderator position. So I did and I was accepted on my second run as a Member of Staff on March 22, 2015.
For the following three months, I continued to mend and build strong relationships with those I wronged during both of my depressions. I continued to grow and share my experiences in hope that people can learn and find themselves through them. I continued to show my dedication and support of the MCGamer Network as I continued to perform my moderation duties much like I did in the past. With drive, responsibility, respect, honour, gratefulness and thankfulness.
During the month of July, however, I had went on a one month Leave of Absence as I had to undergo dental surgery and would then proceed with going on vacation. Upon my return, and during the final days of my Leave of Absence, I felt that I no longer had a reason, a drive or a passion to support my position as a Moderator here at the MCGamer Network. I have always been hard on myself in life. Wether or not it was for being different, for higher grades in school, for social acceptance, I would always push and push myself to succeed to the point where I would become mentally, physically and emotionally ill. For me, when I am given a task, I go all in. If I feel that I am slowing down or discouraged for whatever reason, I feel that I am letting myself and the people I care, love and support down. On July 31, I then decided to resign as I felt that I was unfit to support my position as a Moderator and I felt that I was finally able to move on with the greater things in life.
Over the past two days as a regular player, however, I found myself consistently and continuously "performing my moderation duties" as I would as a Member of Staff without the force of a responsibility or a rank. I then questioned myself. Why did I resign? Was the whole moving on with the greater things in life a lie to help me be okay with leaving the MCGamer Network? Was me slowing down a lie to help me be okay with leaving the MCGamer Network? Was the bore of being a Member of Staff a lie to help me be okay with leaving the MCGamer Network? The fact of the matter is, they are. I cannot leave the MCGamer Network even if I wanted to. I have invested too much time, effort, strength, love, tears and memories to just jump out of my seat and leave.
So more on the topic of the questions I had asked in the beginning.
Why does he seem confused? What has changed?
I was not really confused, but more so, too harsh on myself. I felt that I must keep up the fast pace I have always been known for in life and decided that if I was not able to maintain it, then resigning was the best option for me. It was not, however. What really matters is the people, the relationships and the lives of the people that are walking in the footsteps behind you as you are making a difference. Leaving them with a more heartfelt and bright future is important. Wether or not they are very few, big differences or many, many small differences, all that matters is that you are making a difference.
What does he have planned from here on out?
As a two time Member of Staff on the MCGamer Network, I have tried joining multiple MCGamer Community Events in the effort of connecting with the MCGamer Community. The connection I desired was never completely there, however. I have always been one to try and connect personally with the MCGamer Community by creating strong staff-to-community relationships. Human relationships is one of the most important things in life for me. It increases your overall positivity and it would introduce those who are alone to a support group they can rely and trust on. I find that nowadays, self-confidence and self-discovery is something extremely difficult to achieve. It takes a boat load of time, strength and effort to build independence, and most of the time, all people need is a voice, to be heard or some sort of support that will then help them later in life as they travel the real world. With that being said, I have decided to found the MCGamer Human Relationships and Support Group, otherwise known as the MCGHRSG. As for the official details pertaining to this group, they have yet to be discussed, but I assure you that I will keep you all informed as I know more.
I have also decided to create the MCGamer Movie Night. Much like the MCGamer Human Relationships and Support Group, the official details pertaining to this group have yet to be discussed, but I assure you that I will keep you all informed as I know more.
*A message for Staff: If you are interested in taking part in one or both of these groups, please direct message me on Slack so that we can group up to discuss all of their pertinent details.*
At the end of the day, my two days as a resigned Member of Staff was a short break that allowed me to reflect upon myself, to rediscover my drive and passion as a Moderator on the MCGamer Network so that I can make a difference.
I hope this clears up any questions you all may have. If you do, on some odd occasion, have any unanswered questions, please feel free to ask! I would be delighted to answer them!
Remember guys...You are kind. You are smart. You are important. You are beautiful. You are perfect. But most importantly...You are you. Never forget that! <3
Stay beautiful! <3
Lots of love and support. <3
Regards,
Equalitee | Christopher.
As some of you may know already, on July 31, 2015, I resigned as a Member of Staff here on the MCGamer Network. (For those who have not yet seen or read my Resignation Letter, but wish to do so, please visit this link.) As of today, August 3, 2015, however, I have made the decision to resume my Moderator position.
Now some of you may be asking, why does he seem confused? What has changed? What does he have planned from here on out? Well I am about to explain everything within the contents of his thread.
For as young as I can remember, I have always been one to love, care, help and support the people I love. Whether it was loving, caring and helping my grandmother with the chores around the house through her last breaths in life, cooking a meal for when the family returns from their daily life or as of more recently, becoming a Member of Staff on the MCGamer Network to make a positive influence, to make a change. The point is, it is something I enjoy. It feeds my soul and is used as a natural antidepressant for myself.
Back in May of 2013, I joined the MCGamer Network through the discovery of one of Joey Graceffa's videos. At that time, however, I was struggling with year six of seven years of depression. This depression was something I had never experienced before, and out of fear of the unknown road up ahead, I took it all out on my friends, family and even several members within the MCGamer Network.
All throughout the following year, I had finally discovered my comfort zone that was full of joy and excitement. It contained all of the friendships that I was able to establish through my time here at the MCGamer Network. These online friendships then lead to something more realistic as we decided to meet each other in real life. Following this tremendous experience, I had finally realized that I was unfair to so many people and for the most part, without a valid reason. So in attempt to have them forgive me of all of my wrongs, I needed to stand out, so I decided to catfish myself into the MCGamer Staff Team.
During my first run as a Member of Staff, back in the summer of 2014, I had very few goals. I wanted to prove to the people I had wronged in the past that change in so little time is something that was possible. I wanted to prove that I was in fact a good person that was just going through one of the darkest moments in his life. I wanted to be able to help the members of the MCGamer Network as a token of gratitude for the friends that have helped me find myself up until this moment in life. Well guess what? I felt that I did just that and that it was time to reveal my true identity, back in September of 2014, through the means of a resignation/demotion.
During the following five months, I went through another depression. I lost one of the most important friendships I had ever had in my life as I struggled to support myself and my decisions of becoming a Member of Staff. During my run as a Member of Staff, never once did I abuse my rank. I played everything by the books. I performed my moderation duties the way they expected me to. I never once gave them a reason to be suspicious of who I was or of my moderation duties. Although I did nothing wrong as a Member of Staff, however, I felt as if they were punishing me for doing something good, setting aside my past. Ultimately, I lost track of who I was and I was selfish. As I battled through this depression, however, I was able to grow, refocus myself and understand why I did what I did to begin with. To right my wrongs. To be a role model. To give back to the MCGamer Network, the Network that had given me a reason to live.
During my fifth and final month of depression, the month of February, through my new findings as a person, I was then re-inspired to re-apply for the Moderator position. So I did and I was accepted on my second run as a Member of Staff on March 22, 2015.
For the following three months, I continued to mend and build strong relationships with those I wronged during both of my depressions. I continued to grow and share my experiences in hope that people can learn and find themselves through them. I continued to show my dedication and support of the MCGamer Network as I continued to perform my moderation duties much like I did in the past. With drive, responsibility, respect, honour, gratefulness and thankfulness.
During the month of July, however, I had went on a one month Leave of Absence as I had to undergo dental surgery and would then proceed with going on vacation. Upon my return, and during the final days of my Leave of Absence, I felt that I no longer had a reason, a drive or a passion to support my position as a Moderator here at the MCGamer Network. I have always been hard on myself in life. Wether or not it was for being different, for higher grades in school, for social acceptance, I would always push and push myself to succeed to the point where I would become mentally, physically and emotionally ill. For me, when I am given a task, I go all in. If I feel that I am slowing down or discouraged for whatever reason, I feel that I am letting myself and the people I care, love and support down. On July 31, I then decided to resign as I felt that I was unfit to support my position as a Moderator and I felt that I was finally able to move on with the greater things in life.
Over the past two days as a regular player, however, I found myself consistently and continuously "performing my moderation duties" as I would as a Member of Staff without the force of a responsibility or a rank. I then questioned myself. Why did I resign? Was the whole moving on with the greater things in life a lie to help me be okay with leaving the MCGamer Network? Was me slowing down a lie to help me be okay with leaving the MCGamer Network? Was the bore of being a Member of Staff a lie to help me be okay with leaving the MCGamer Network? The fact of the matter is, they are. I cannot leave the MCGamer Network even if I wanted to. I have invested too much time, effort, strength, love, tears and memories to just jump out of my seat and leave.
So more on the topic of the questions I had asked in the beginning.
Why does he seem confused? What has changed?
I was not really confused, but more so, too harsh on myself. I felt that I must keep up the fast pace I have always been known for in life and decided that if I was not able to maintain it, then resigning was the best option for me. It was not, however. What really matters is the people, the relationships and the lives of the people that are walking in the footsteps behind you as you are making a difference. Leaving them with a more heartfelt and bright future is important. Wether or not they are very few, big differences or many, many small differences, all that matters is that you are making a difference.
What does he have planned from here on out?
As a two time Member of Staff on the MCGamer Network, I have tried joining multiple MCGamer Community Events in the effort of connecting with the MCGamer Community. The connection I desired was never completely there, however. I have always been one to try and connect personally with the MCGamer Community by creating strong staff-to-community relationships. Human relationships is one of the most important things in life for me. It increases your overall positivity and it would introduce those who are alone to a support group they can rely and trust on. I find that nowadays, self-confidence and self-discovery is something extremely difficult to achieve. It takes a boat load of time, strength and effort to build independence, and most of the time, all people need is a voice, to be heard or some sort of support that will then help them later in life as they travel the real world. With that being said, I have decided to found the MCGamer Human Relationships and Support Group, otherwise known as the MCGHRSG. As for the official details pertaining to this group, they have yet to be discussed, but I assure you that I will keep you all informed as I know more.
I have also decided to create the MCGamer Movie Night. Much like the MCGamer Human Relationships and Support Group, the official details pertaining to this group have yet to be discussed, but I assure you that I will keep you all informed as I know more.
*A message for Staff: If you are interested in taking part in one or both of these groups, please direct message me on Slack so that we can group up to discuss all of their pertinent details.*
At the end of the day, my two days as a resigned Member of Staff was a short break that allowed me to reflect upon myself, to rediscover my drive and passion as a Moderator on the MCGamer Network so that I can make a difference.
I hope this clears up any questions you all may have. If you do, on some odd occasion, have any unanswered questions, please feel free to ask! I would be delighted to answer them!
Remember guys...You are kind. You are smart. You are important. You are beautiful. You are perfect. But most importantly...You are you. Never forget that! <3
Stay beautiful! <3
Lots of love and support. <3
Regards,
Equalitee | Christopher.
