M
MrMad2000
Guest
I know I recently made a depression post, but it's not that.
I made a facebook post a while ago regarding about how I feel like I don't have proper friends, the friends that I would consider calling friends are people I've met over the internet, which I find sad. Don't say "hey just make new friends" because I've tried that. I ain't changing for no one.
I sometimes over exaggerate this though (I think) because I'm sure not everyone feels about me in this way, however they act like they do...
My sch0ol has alot of bullying go on inside of it. So, yeah...
Post:
(It hasn't been proof read, may not make sense.)
Life is hard, and you only ever know that when you feel alone or in doubt. But I honestly feel like I'm the only one who's ever been in "doubt"... When you feel like you're left alone because of your differences, and you're told that you aren't a part of society because you are someone who portrays themselves as different. But inside you feel like you're all the same to everyone else, that you have so many similarities that you're possibly secret twins or it's an illusion of you talking to yourself. Then that one person comes along and makes everything you've accomplished all crashing down, but it's worse if it's your friends. The people who think they can go ahead and give advice to you when they've not experienced it themselves can go f*** themselves. When people claim they know you inside out. If they knew you that well they would know what your interests are. Personality, interests, intellect, anything! But when people say that they are obviously your best friend and you end up abandoned, ignored, left out of the bigger picture they're a part of. You feel rejected, abused even, that no one seems to care about you. But once they come to you, needing to cry on someones shoulder, all you can do is feel sympathy for them and want to do something about it to help them. So you take action. Is it the same story with me? I've been trying to help people all my life. I've sat there for hours trying to help people improve on skills they've been weak at for years that they should be good at. Giving advice to people when they feel in the same way like I do. Trying to inspire people. Just trying to be friendly and help out. But when people are just too plain ignorant to see that and accept who you are, you feel let down. Let down to the point where you just want to hide in a corner and wish you never existed because you think it's your fault when it isn't. All because of your friends didn't involve you in something or that you feel betrayed by them. But here's the catch. If they really did care about you and were genuinely your friends, they would support you. Help you through all your troubles. Be there for you in the darkest possible moments you could possibly ever be in. But all I see now are people wanting to turn to you for advice when they are driven insane by something they can't do alone. But it's never the same story for the other person. When they need help they're always told they'd get it. But they never do. I feel like in the world there's no one who is that "opposite" person. The person you can relate to and say "oh! I was like that at one time." or "it'll be fine, you'll pull through, we've all had this happen to us." There's no one to guide you...
I'm tired of fighting. All my life I've been trying to act the same way as who I really am. So lately I've been rude to people and not gave a crap about what people think about me. But I've always tried to look out for people, try to help them. Always empathize how they must feel when something's wrong. Speculate how there lives must be and try to help them through whatever is going on. It's always been me doing this and getting nothing in return. I just give up at this point. If people were really my friends and knew me 'inside out' they would notice something was wrong. They would be bothered instead of saying "you can tell me" and giving up after one or two attempts and making a stupid joke then not bothering about it. True friends always worry about each other. No one worries about me. I'm just this depressed kid with Autism that no one should care about. Because I'm fat and I can't do simple practical activities with other people, because I'm one of the people that everyone likes to refer to as a "spastic" and that I am completely dysfunctional and incredibly stupid. Do friends do that? A joke or two is fine, but not to offend someone. I know how to argue with people and I know how to handle a situation on my own when it comes to speaking about something negative, but when I take it too far. I stop eventually. A series of events that consistently happen where friends ignore you and reject you. And then realize you're being used by them isn't just upsetting. It's depressing. People who say I over-exaggerate and that I think too much. Maybe think about what you say and what affect it'll have on someone. Think about your actions. If you really were a friend then start doing what a friend does. A friend is not some tramp you find on the street that you say hi to once. That's not even considered an acquaintance. But a friend is alot more than that. All my life I've been left out and I'm tired of it. That people say I should be more independent but they won't let me have it. Say that I must have more confidence but won't let me build it. Things won't change overnight. So if I don't change into some out of control badmouthing asshole. Longfield can just be a memory. (My School) I need to find that one person who I can actually well and truly with pride say someone is a friend. But I can't say that now about anyone. I've only been acting the way I have at school because I wanted to fit in and not look like an idiot like I always do. People saying how I sound "camp" or I'm incredibly obese, which I already know. Want an award? It really doesn't help. People know who I am. There's no need to constantly ask "r u g4y haha lol" because what would it matter to know about the sexuality of someone and judge them for it. It's their choice what they wear, how they act, how they look, how they talk, how they walk, eat, type, write, read. E.t.c.
I'm tired of people asking stupid questions because I sound so monotone or sometimes when I talk I go all squeaky. The fact I wear glasses. Yeah, I believe you say they look cool if two minutes later I hear you saying "Wow, look at Joseph's glasses init 'dat he look like a right weirdo." Then asking if I'm homosexual for the words I pick while speaking or writing. (Which I'm not gay. How immature can you be?)
Respect goes a long way when you know someone like me who can't take a joke very well and likes to get straight to the point and is usually incredibly serious. So start taking note of that and treat me like a human being. You know who you people are.
It may sound stupid that I feel like this, but not many of you would know the situation I'd be in, so if you can. Anything... Please help. :3
- Proof read on 4th December, 2013.
I made a facebook post a while ago regarding about how I feel like I don't have proper friends, the friends that I would consider calling friends are people I've met over the internet, which I find sad. Don't say "hey just make new friends" because I've tried that. I ain't changing for no one.
I sometimes over exaggerate this though (I think) because I'm sure not everyone feels about me in this way, however they act like they do...
My sch0ol has alot of bullying go on inside of it. So, yeah...
Post:
(It hasn't been proof read, may not make sense.)
Life is hard, and you only ever know that when you feel alone or in doubt. But I honestly feel like I'm the only one who's ever been in "doubt"... When you feel like you're left alone because of your differences, and you're told that you aren't a part of society because you are someone who portrays themselves as different. But inside you feel like you're all the same to everyone else, that you have so many similarities that you're possibly secret twins or it's an illusion of you talking to yourself. Then that one person comes along and makes everything you've accomplished all crashing down, but it's worse if it's your friends. The people who think they can go ahead and give advice to you when they've not experienced it themselves can go f*** themselves. When people claim they know you inside out. If they knew you that well they would know what your interests are. Personality, interests, intellect, anything! But when people say that they are obviously your best friend and you end up abandoned, ignored, left out of the bigger picture they're a part of. You feel rejected, abused even, that no one seems to care about you. But once they come to you, needing to cry on someones shoulder, all you can do is feel sympathy for them and want to do something about it to help them. So you take action. Is it the same story with me? I've been trying to help people all my life. I've sat there for hours trying to help people improve on skills they've been weak at for years that they should be good at. Giving advice to people when they feel in the same way like I do. Trying to inspire people. Just trying to be friendly and help out. But when people are just too plain ignorant to see that and accept who you are, you feel let down. Let down to the point where you just want to hide in a corner and wish you never existed because you think it's your fault when it isn't. All because of your friends didn't involve you in something or that you feel betrayed by them. But here's the catch. If they really did care about you and were genuinely your friends, they would support you. Help you through all your troubles. Be there for you in the darkest possible moments you could possibly ever be in. But all I see now are people wanting to turn to you for advice when they are driven insane by something they can't do alone. But it's never the same story for the other person. When they need help they're always told they'd get it. But they never do. I feel like in the world there's no one who is that "opposite" person. The person you can relate to and say "oh! I was like that at one time." or "it'll be fine, you'll pull through, we've all had this happen to us." There's no one to guide you...
I'm tired of fighting. All my life I've been trying to act the same way as who I really am. So lately I've been rude to people and not gave a crap about what people think about me. But I've always tried to look out for people, try to help them. Always empathize how they must feel when something's wrong. Speculate how there lives must be and try to help them through whatever is going on. It's always been me doing this and getting nothing in return. I just give up at this point. If people were really my friends and knew me 'inside out' they would notice something was wrong. They would be bothered instead of saying "you can tell me" and giving up after one or two attempts and making a stupid joke then not bothering about it. True friends always worry about each other. No one worries about me. I'm just this depressed kid with Autism that no one should care about. Because I'm fat and I can't do simple practical activities with other people, because I'm one of the people that everyone likes to refer to as a "spastic" and that I am completely dysfunctional and incredibly stupid. Do friends do that? A joke or two is fine, but not to offend someone. I know how to argue with people and I know how to handle a situation on my own when it comes to speaking about something negative, but when I take it too far. I stop eventually. A series of events that consistently happen where friends ignore you and reject you. And then realize you're being used by them isn't just upsetting. It's depressing. People who say I over-exaggerate and that I think too much. Maybe think about what you say and what affect it'll have on someone. Think about your actions. If you really were a friend then start doing what a friend does. A friend is not some tramp you find on the street that you say hi to once. That's not even considered an acquaintance. But a friend is alot more than that. All my life I've been left out and I'm tired of it. That people say I should be more independent but they won't let me have it. Say that I must have more confidence but won't let me build it. Things won't change overnight. So if I don't change into some out of control badmouthing asshole. Longfield can just be a memory. (My School) I need to find that one person who I can actually well and truly with pride say someone is a friend. But I can't say that now about anyone. I've only been acting the way I have at school because I wanted to fit in and not look like an idiot like I always do. People saying how I sound "camp" or I'm incredibly obese, which I already know. Want an award? It really doesn't help. People know who I am. There's no need to constantly ask "r u g4y haha lol" because what would it matter to know about the sexuality of someone and judge them for it. It's their choice what they wear, how they act, how they look, how they talk, how they walk, eat, type, write, read. E.t.c.
I'm tired of people asking stupid questions because I sound so monotone or sometimes when I talk I go all squeaky. The fact I wear glasses. Yeah, I believe you say they look cool if two minutes later I hear you saying "Wow, look at Joseph's glasses init 'dat he look like a right weirdo." Then asking if I'm homosexual for the words I pick while speaking or writing. (Which I'm not gay. How immature can you be?)
Respect goes a long way when you know someone like me who can't take a joke very well and likes to get straight to the point and is usually incredibly serious. So start taking note of that and treat me like a human being. You know who you people are.
It may sound stupid that I feel like this, but not many of you would know the situation I'd be in, so if you can. Anything... Please help. :3
- Proof read on 4th December, 2013.
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