Equalitee
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- May 21, 2014
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Hello everyone!
Just as a general warning before you start reading the remainder of this thread, this is a very emotional story that I have not shared with many people, until today at least. It is very personal, but I feel that by sharing it, I can, in some way, help improve the quality of life of many others.
This thread was originally going to be posted on Wednesday, but I needed time to gather my thoughts before I could post it. Considering this is a very sensitive topic, I wanted to make sure my message was clear and as helpful as possible.
To start the story, I am going to tell you a bit about my past.
Back in 2006, on October 31st, Halloween day, I was out trick-or-treating with my brother and father. We were having boat loads of fun! This day was also probably one of the most memorable moments of my life as I got to spend time with my father; which, sadly, is something that happened on very rare occasions. It also became one of the most memorable moments of my life for not-so-good reasons too as it was cut short by a very utterly upsetting phone call from my grandfather. My grandfather called to tell my father that my grandmother was in the hospital for lung failure. I was devastated as she was the closest person in life. I could tell her anything and she would listen. However, she was discharged from the hospital on the terms that should would always use and carry around an oxygen tank. This was great news!
Over the next year, we started getting closer and closer as a family. There were more family get-togethers and just all-in-all, more good times! That is until October 31st, 2007, Halloween day, however. On the one year anniversary of my grandmother first being admitted to the hospital, she passed away. For me, as I previously mentioned in my first scare, I was devastated. The closest person in my life was...Was...Gone! Forever! That one person in my life I knew I could trust 100%, was gone. I did not know how to handle it. No one did within my family. We all reacted in different ways.
Over the following couple of years, things got harder, and harder, and harder as I went through a 5 year long depression. I started to distance myself from my parents and friends, I took my anger out on the children at my school, and I even punched my female cousin in the face knocking two of her teeth out. I was not a good person. I had no way to cope with the pain. No way to release my frustration. My father, and my stepmother, started doing and selling drugs as they became even more worse as alcoholics. The people that should have been there to support me, were not. For me, I felt hopeless and alone.
Over my 5 year long depression, I thought of a way to escape all this pain and suffering. Suicide! I knew it ran in my family. My mother had suicidal thoughts when she was younger. My uncle did. My sister did. And for my uncle, it got to the point where he attempted to take his own life multiple times. But fortunately, it failed! It just seemed like the best option for myself too. I contemplated and contemplated over this idea for years, but never ended up doing it.
Thankfully, it was because of the MCGamer Network and its community, who I happily now call my best friends, that these suicidal thoughts ended. It was because of the MCGamer Network that I was able to find and connect with people like myself, share our stories and support one another through our toughest of times. It is because of the MCGamer Network that I was able to find who I truly am as a person, that I was able to come out to my family and friends, and that I was able to create the even more memorable moments that I have in my life today. Despite all the hatred the MCGamer Network receives on a daily basis, it truly is a magical place. It is like a second home for me.
Though things may be what seems to be perfect for myself at this current moment in time, it seems like my brother is also going through this suicidal thought phase too. A couple of months ago, my brother told me that he has thought about taking his own life. I started bawling my eyes out. I have never supported my brother so much in my life, up until this moment. Knowing that I myself went through this, and now him, was even more devastating than loosing my own grandmother. He is my brother. He was also feeling hopeless and alone. You see, my stepfather and my mother are constantly fighting, and attacking him for the not-so-good things that he has done in his life. They are constantly reminding him of how dumb, worthless, and ungrateful he is. They treat him unfairly when he tries to express his feelings and frustrations to them like as if he is not entitled to them. They are controlling and not very good parents. Whether or not it is while we are on a family vacation or eating dinner at the dinner table. They still find a way to downgrade him as a person.
On Wednesday night, just like every other night, my parents were fighting with my brother at the dinner table. Again, they were constantly attacking him while we were all trying to eat. Screaming and yelling from both sides of the table. I was done with it. I piped up and said, "ENOUGH! CAN WE JUST EAT OUR DAMN DINNER IN PEACE FOR ONCE!" There was a short moment of silence until they started to attack me for entering a situation I was "not brought into". Meanwhile, I was trying to eat my dinner, in peace, at the table where everyone was sitting, listening to this all go down. That should be enough to account me in for being part of a family discussion at a family dinner. No? So again, I defended my brother and myself as our parents attacked us for the following 20 minutes. Then it ended. My parents went outside to smoke, and my brother and I cleaned up all of the dishes from our dinner.
While I was washing the dishes, I heard my brother crying. I instantly started to cry because the thought of him committing suicide came to his mind again. I told him it is not the best option. Just be their little angel of a son. Do what they tell you to do until you finish college or university. Just do whatever you have to do until you know you can move out safely, peacefully and happily. He seemed doubtful, but I reassured him that it was necessary because nowadays, it is a real struggle to live on your own with no one to depend on. After this, we had a moment of comfort as siblings. Things seemed better. At least for now.
I guess what I am trying to say is thank you MCGamer Network and its community for helping me find who I am as a person because without you, I would not be as happy and comfortable with myself as I am now. But most importantly, without your positive influences on my life, I would not know everything I know now about the struggles of suicide and how detrimental it is to the lives of so many people. Without you, I would not be able to help my brother through his moment of pain in suffering. So thank you!
As far as the people who may have suffered, or who are now suffering, the thoughts of suicide, I am here for you. Do not ever let anyone tell you you are dumb, worthless or ungrateful. Do not ever let anyone downgrade you as a person. It is important that you stay strong and live through these tough moments in life so that like me, you can share your experiences with others to help benefit their quality of life. Do not ever let people tell you how you should and should not be feeling. You are entitled to your own opinions, feelings and views on life. If people are not willing to listen, understand, and in some way, come to terms on agreeing on some of your ideas and thoughts, they are closed minded people. True and fair people are those who are willing to listen, help and care for those who are suffering and in need.
For those are who are the ones that go around bullying and attacking other people, whether it is in real life or on the Internet, I suggest you really do think about what you are doing beforehand. This is a serious issue and it could lead to serious results. Bullying and attacking other people does not make you look good as a person. Although it is a way for you to help release anger about your insecurities, fears and other frustrations, it is not the right way to do it.
Now that I am standing strong, and have pushed through the rough times in my life, I am here, ready to help others in desperate need. To anyone, and everyone out there, anytime you need someone to talk to, to vent to, whether it is something happening in real life or on the internet, do not feel afraid to private message me here, reply to the thread, or to poke me on TeamSpeak. I will drop everything I am doing in order to help you. That is just who I am and the well-being of others is of more importance to me than anything else in the world. This goes for those who are being bullied and attacked, as well as, those who are doing the bullying and attacking. I feel like everyone deserves an equal chance. Everyone has their own stories, their own feelings to express, and sometimes all they need is someone to talk to, no matter what type of person they are. It is the people in the present that make the future a better place. The more we work as a group to support one another, to end such tragedies, the better and more efficient it is.
I thank you all so much in advance for reading this story. <3
Much love and support,
Equalitee | Christopher.
Just as a general warning before you start reading the remainder of this thread, this is a very emotional story that I have not shared with many people, until today at least. It is very personal, but I feel that by sharing it, I can, in some way, help improve the quality of life of many others.
This thread was originally going to be posted on Wednesday, but I needed time to gather my thoughts before I could post it. Considering this is a very sensitive topic, I wanted to make sure my message was clear and as helpful as possible.
To start the story, I am going to tell you a bit about my past.
Back in 2006, on October 31st, Halloween day, I was out trick-or-treating with my brother and father. We were having boat loads of fun! This day was also probably one of the most memorable moments of my life as I got to spend time with my father; which, sadly, is something that happened on very rare occasions. It also became one of the most memorable moments of my life for not-so-good reasons too as it was cut short by a very utterly upsetting phone call from my grandfather. My grandfather called to tell my father that my grandmother was in the hospital for lung failure. I was devastated as she was the closest person in life. I could tell her anything and she would listen. However, she was discharged from the hospital on the terms that should would always use and carry around an oxygen tank. This was great news!
Over the next year, we started getting closer and closer as a family. There were more family get-togethers and just all-in-all, more good times! That is until October 31st, 2007, Halloween day, however. On the one year anniversary of my grandmother first being admitted to the hospital, she passed away. For me, as I previously mentioned in my first scare, I was devastated. The closest person in my life was...Was...Gone! Forever! That one person in my life I knew I could trust 100%, was gone. I did not know how to handle it. No one did within my family. We all reacted in different ways.
Over the following couple of years, things got harder, and harder, and harder as I went through a 5 year long depression. I started to distance myself from my parents and friends, I took my anger out on the children at my school, and I even punched my female cousin in the face knocking two of her teeth out. I was not a good person. I had no way to cope with the pain. No way to release my frustration. My father, and my stepmother, started doing and selling drugs as they became even more worse as alcoholics. The people that should have been there to support me, were not. For me, I felt hopeless and alone.
Over my 5 year long depression, I thought of a way to escape all this pain and suffering. Suicide! I knew it ran in my family. My mother had suicidal thoughts when she was younger. My uncle did. My sister did. And for my uncle, it got to the point where he attempted to take his own life multiple times. But fortunately, it failed! It just seemed like the best option for myself too. I contemplated and contemplated over this idea for years, but never ended up doing it.
Thankfully, it was because of the MCGamer Network and its community, who I happily now call my best friends, that these suicidal thoughts ended. It was because of the MCGamer Network that I was able to find and connect with people like myself, share our stories and support one another through our toughest of times. It is because of the MCGamer Network that I was able to find who I truly am as a person, that I was able to come out to my family and friends, and that I was able to create the even more memorable moments that I have in my life today. Despite all the hatred the MCGamer Network receives on a daily basis, it truly is a magical place. It is like a second home for me.
Though things may be what seems to be perfect for myself at this current moment in time, it seems like my brother is also going through this suicidal thought phase too. A couple of months ago, my brother told me that he has thought about taking his own life. I started bawling my eyes out. I have never supported my brother so much in my life, up until this moment. Knowing that I myself went through this, and now him, was even more devastating than loosing my own grandmother. He is my brother. He was also feeling hopeless and alone. You see, my stepfather and my mother are constantly fighting, and attacking him for the not-so-good things that he has done in his life. They are constantly reminding him of how dumb, worthless, and ungrateful he is. They treat him unfairly when he tries to express his feelings and frustrations to them like as if he is not entitled to them. They are controlling and not very good parents. Whether or not it is while we are on a family vacation or eating dinner at the dinner table. They still find a way to downgrade him as a person.
On Wednesday night, just like every other night, my parents were fighting with my brother at the dinner table. Again, they were constantly attacking him while we were all trying to eat. Screaming and yelling from both sides of the table. I was done with it. I piped up and said, "ENOUGH! CAN WE JUST EAT OUR DAMN DINNER IN PEACE FOR ONCE!" There was a short moment of silence until they started to attack me for entering a situation I was "not brought into". Meanwhile, I was trying to eat my dinner, in peace, at the table where everyone was sitting, listening to this all go down. That should be enough to account me in for being part of a family discussion at a family dinner. No? So again, I defended my brother and myself as our parents attacked us for the following 20 minutes. Then it ended. My parents went outside to smoke, and my brother and I cleaned up all of the dishes from our dinner.
While I was washing the dishes, I heard my brother crying. I instantly started to cry because the thought of him committing suicide came to his mind again. I told him it is not the best option. Just be their little angel of a son. Do what they tell you to do until you finish college or university. Just do whatever you have to do until you know you can move out safely, peacefully and happily. He seemed doubtful, but I reassured him that it was necessary because nowadays, it is a real struggle to live on your own with no one to depend on. After this, we had a moment of comfort as siblings. Things seemed better. At least for now.
I guess what I am trying to say is thank you MCGamer Network and its community for helping me find who I am as a person because without you, I would not be as happy and comfortable with myself as I am now. But most importantly, without your positive influences on my life, I would not know everything I know now about the struggles of suicide and how detrimental it is to the lives of so many people. Without you, I would not be able to help my brother through his moment of pain in suffering. So thank you!
As far as the people who may have suffered, or who are now suffering, the thoughts of suicide, I am here for you. Do not ever let anyone tell you you are dumb, worthless or ungrateful. Do not ever let anyone downgrade you as a person. It is important that you stay strong and live through these tough moments in life so that like me, you can share your experiences with others to help benefit their quality of life. Do not ever let people tell you how you should and should not be feeling. You are entitled to your own opinions, feelings and views on life. If people are not willing to listen, understand, and in some way, come to terms on agreeing on some of your ideas and thoughts, they are closed minded people. True and fair people are those who are willing to listen, help and care for those who are suffering and in need.
For those are who are the ones that go around bullying and attacking other people, whether it is in real life or on the Internet, I suggest you really do think about what you are doing beforehand. This is a serious issue and it could lead to serious results. Bullying and attacking other people does not make you look good as a person. Although it is a way for you to help release anger about your insecurities, fears and other frustrations, it is not the right way to do it.
Now that I am standing strong, and have pushed through the rough times in my life, I am here, ready to help others in desperate need. To anyone, and everyone out there, anytime you need someone to talk to, to vent to, whether it is something happening in real life or on the internet, do not feel afraid to private message me here, reply to the thread, or to poke me on TeamSpeak. I will drop everything I am doing in order to help you. That is just who I am and the well-being of others is of more importance to me than anything else in the world. This goes for those who are being bullied and attacked, as well as, those who are doing the bullying and attacking. I feel like everyone deserves an equal chance. Everyone has their own stories, their own feelings to express, and sometimes all they need is someone to talk to, no matter what type of person they are. It is the people in the present that make the future a better place. The more we work as a group to support one another, to end such tragedies, the better and more efficient it is.
I thank you all so much in advance for reading this story. <3
Much love and support,
Equalitee | Christopher.
